Monogamy can be heaped with benefits: a loving, supportive partner who’s always there for you, the comfort of having someone who knows you inside and out, having someone to come home to, and of course, s*x whenever you want it. On the other hand, monogamy can reduce the amount of excitement, passion and lust you feel for your partner – which can leave you feeling bored and unfulfilled, at times.
Still, you love your partner, and you aren’t willing to throw in the towel for a bit of booty. So what do you do?
How to stay faithful in a serious relationship
If you respect your partner, treat them as your best friend, and acknowledge that the good things in your life are not worth throwing away for a night with someone else, you’ll be well on your way to a successful relationship.
That being said, monogamy can be hard if only for the fact that contentment can sometimes become boring: same s*x, same house, and those same weeknight routines. So how do you beat the relationship boredom blues?
#1 Spice it up in bed. One of the reasons people cheat comes down to a boring s*x life. With monogamy comes years and years of having s*x with the same person, which, no matter how fabulous your moves are, may start to get mundane after a while. This happens to most couples at one point or another.
Instead of straying, try spicing up your s*x life in fun new ways. Pick up a book of s*x positions and try a new one every day, introduce new toys, swings, bondage, scandalously discreet public petting, role-playing, or have a monthly s*x-box bundles delivered to your house. Not only are these fun new ways to explore each other, but they are a fun tool to open up communication.
#2 Realize that everybody gets bored. If you think you’re the only long term relationship to take a dive into boredom, think again. Realize that at one point or another, everybody gets bored. If you think your girlfriend hasn’t stared right back at you and wondered what her life would be like somewhere, or with someone else, then you’re wrong.
Like a rollercoaster, relationships have highs and lows. You don’t stay in love every single second your relationship is active. Instead, love dies down for a time, and then seems to return with a vengeance. Just remind yourself that if you can just get past your momentary period of boredom, you will start to feel that love and desire again like you did before.
#3 Get out of town. You may feel like getting your head out of town may be just what you need to center your relationship issues. You may very well be right. But do you go alone, or with your mate? Both options have their good and bad points.
Going alone will give you a great opportunity to clear your mind, and give you a chance to miss your partner. However, your goal of remembering what’s important in life should be kept clearly in mind when planning your getaway, not using your vacation as an excuse to cheat. Somehow, strippers in Vegas probably aren’t going to bring back those lovey-dovey feelings you have for your partner.
On the other hand, bringing your significant other along may bring the two of you closer in a relaxing environment… Or be a stress-addled experience. Choose your travel-buddy wisely, and remember not to use this experience as an avenue for infidelity. [Read: How to reignite the lost spark in no time]
#4 Be mindful of what you’re filling your head with. Thinking of having an affair and now suddenly you’re watching movies, TV-shows, and reading books and websites all about scandalous affairs? Not only does this look incredibly suspicious, but it fills your mind with a desire to emulate what you’re filling your head with, and you may soon find yourself obsessing. Keep a hold of your self-control and avoid shady media.
#5 Narrow down your problem. Is there an obvious problem between you and your partner, that’s causing you to have a wandering eye, such as him or her having cheated or stress accumulated from your family? It’s important you narrow down your problem, before you can take any action. According to the book The Truth about Cheating, most men actually cited their reasons for cheating as emotional, rather than a strict physical need. So if you have a problem with your partner, try talking before cheating.
#6 Open communication. While you may not want to come right out and say “Hey honey, I’ve been thinking about cheating!” after a hard day’s work, it would be beneficial for both of you to be open and honest about your current situation. If you are feeling bored and have already tried other means to quell these feelings, you may need to tell your partner that you’re feeling a little restless, and explain that it’s something you’d like to work out as a couple. At least in this scenario, if you do end up going down separate paths, you know you did everything you could.
#7 Don’t romanticize it. Oftentimes media carries the bad habit of romanticizing adultery. Heartbreaking affairs are often portrayed as star-crossed lovers enveloped in scandalous, s*xy complications. Remind yourself that there are other people’s feelings involved in this situation, especially if you share children with your current mate. Don’t overlook the reality: affairs are messy, scary, scarring and hurtful.
#8 Don’t tempt yourself. If you find yourself growing attracted to your co-worker or a close friend of the opposite s*x, don’t tempt fate by continuing interactions. That means minimizing your communication, giving them a clear “I’m taken!” vibe or even removing them from your social media accounts. Give your relationship a fighting chance by removing temptation from your buffet.
#9 Don’t watch porn. If you’re already feeling the urge to have your way with somebody else, watching porn probably isn’t the way to go – especially if you’re indulging in fantasy porn of the husband cheating with the babysitter, or the hot neighbor. While you may think this will act as a release for the ants in your pants, watching pornography may actually encourage you to make your bad fantasy behavior a reality.
If there is not a substantial problem in your relationship and you’ve simply got that two year itch, try to realize how selfish you’re being. Relationships aren’t 50/50, they are 100% of both your energy. If you’re not putting 100% into your relationship, how can you expect to get something worthwhile back?
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