There are very few people in the world who would wait for someone. I know this because very few have for me, and I’m sure far less have for you.There are very few who would put their lives on hold for another human being, in hopes that the person would one day change and notice what they have in front of them.
Nonetheless, that’s exactly what I did for you.
You were my first real love. I know this because nothing ever compared. When we met, I didn’t want to give in, but when I finally did it was like nothing I ever felt.
We started strong, doing things we never thought we’d do for anyone else. I’d wonder how I ever got so lucky.
Every time we were together it was hard to leave, and when you’d drop me off, we’d spend hours together before I would finally go inside.
The days we didn’t see each other we’d count the hours until we did again, and we’d give in to days that we weren’t planning on seeing each other because we couldn’t handle it anymore.
I started to feel things I didn’t think possible, like jealousy or the need to be with someone every day, and that was scary. We were beautiful, not perfect, but beautiful.
Then it ended.
The weeks leading up to the end, your father passed and I felt your pain and grief. The mere fact that you were suffering had me suffering.
I wish I could take your pain because to me you weren’t someone who deserved to be sad. I wanted to make you happy at all costs, to have you never experience pain on my watch.
It was devastating for you to go through that, and even more so, considering you wanted to go through it without me.
The end was hard, but even when it ended, even when we broke up, it didn’t quite feel like the last time. The weeks following were harder.
I felt like someone punched my heart and it sank to my stomach. I was empty, like an important piece of me was missing, keeping me from feeling whole.
Still, you contacted me. Your pattern was every couple of days you would contact me. Like it was just enough to keep me around, just enough for you to still have me.
That gave me hope.
I stuck around. We took summer classes together, and we would have lunch whenever we could. It was the highlight of my summer.
Even if we weren’t officially together, it made me realize two things: We have this bond that still existed when we removed the relationship, and you are the absolute love of my life.
I can tell you anything, and you can tell me anything. It’s a bond in which, when we’re in our own little bubble, in are own crazy world that’s just us, nothing else matters and nothing else exists.
Reality struck me a few times that summer, but I still stuck around, not giving in to anyone else. You didn’t want a relationship.
You didn’t want anything so serious. You were not going to budge, but I still stuck around.
In my head, something so rare, something like what we had, some may never find. If they do, they are lucky to even have it once. It was worth fighting for. I would do anything to have it, to keep it.
You would tell me you loved me so much, but it was something you couldn’t do. You said you never pictured yourself ending up with anyone else, settling down with anyone else who isn’t me.
That was enough for me to stay.
You always said or gave me just enough for me to stay, and I did. I waited.
I waited until I was numb. I waited even after all the broken promises and false hopes and all the destruction. I waited after everyone would tell me how crazy I was and just to move on.
I waited even after all the times I said I wouldn’t wait anymore. Because you always apologized and always told me how much you loved me, how you could never bear to see me with anyone else.
I stuck around when I found out you were sleeping with other people while I was rejecting dates. The simple thought of someone else who wasn’t you touching me sent shivers down my spine.
Sitting down and thinking about it, I could finally put into words all the reasons I did stick around.
I waited for you because, even though you might not think so, you were someone worth waiting for.
Even when you don’t give yourself a lot of credit, you’re one of the nicest, most helpful and hardworking people I have ever met.
You cared about things that mattered like poverty and war and the universe. You challenged me in ways no one else ever did. I was drawn to you for those reasons.
I waited for you because I was hopeful you would keep your promises. When you would tell me she was someone temporary, that she meant nothing, that you just felt bad for her, I believed you.
I waited because if you kept me around, talked to me every day and still had s*x with me regularly, it meant something, right?
I waited because to me, it didn’t matter what I was going through in the present; our future together would be perfect. I defended you with everyone because no one knew you like I did and vice versa.
I waited for you because I knew I would never feel this again with anyone else, and even if I did love again, I had already felt the greatest love I would find.
But waiting for you was literally like putting my hand in a fire. It was painful, but there’s always that rushing sensation you get from a burn.
It’s like I would get a rush, then get hit with a harsh reality and heal for several days. After the burn would heal, you would apologize and I would start the process all over again.
It was definitely an addiction, kind of like when you see an insect going toward a light. The light looks beautiful and vibrant and the mosquito can’t stay away, but in truth, going too close to the light will hurt.
That’s exactly what you were, what you are.
You were so beautiful and I wondered sometimes how something so beautiful could cause so much pain.
You were the only person I wanted to talk to in the morning when I woke up, at night when I went to sleep and in the middle of the day when I would go on my lunch break.
You were the first person I wanted to talk to when something good or bad happened. When I was having fun, you were the person I wished was there and the only person I wanted to share funny moments with.
You were the love of my life, and I waited because something as strong as that deserved a happy ending. I would have done anything for you, and I did do everything for you.
One day, you’ll wake up and realize you lost someone who waited.
Once you start a friends with benefits relationship, you know that you can get out of it anytime. The problem is that there is no easy way to get out of it, unless you have a guilt-free, circumstantial reason. Most people would say that you don’t need to break up with your FWB. Unfortunately, that can end badly for so many reasons.
Why breaking up with an FWB sucks
Any type of breakup isn’t ideal. But there’s just something about the friends with benefits breakup that makes everything so much more awkward.
#1 They might like you as more than a “friend.” This is one of the biggest problems in engaging in a friends with benefits arrangement. Sooner or later, one of you will become attached. This can happen if neither of you are seeing anyone else, or if one of you has an underlying emotional or personality problem.
#2 You could be co-workers. This can get awkward, because your whole dynamic at work can get really screwed up. Both your decisions could be affected by your relationship, and it might even do irreparable damage to your workflow. [Read: What to do when a relationship with a co-worker ends]
#3 You work in the same industry. Aside from working in the same company, working in the same industry also poses a problem. It’s hard to look professional to your peers when someone starts mouthing off about the fact that you slept with someone and ended it badly.
#4 You might end up making the same sets of friends in the future. Depending on your views on the situation, this could either be a bad thing or a non-issue. You might have wanted to keep things private, but that offer gets taken off the table when you end your FWB relationship in a bad way.
#5 They could react negatively to it. You never know what can upset any one person. If your FWB feels wronged, they could act out in so many different ways. They might get hurt and lash out at you verbally or even physically. You have every right to step away from a situation you don’t like, but there are instances when the consequences make it hard for you to do so. [Read: 8 smart ways to deal with a hostile ex]
How to break things off
When you feel like breaking off an FWB relationship for any reason at all, don’t be afraid to do it. It is much easier in theory, because the agreement in itself has no strings attached. Still, it’s best to do it in a proper way, rather than be an asshole about it.
#1 Try not to have sex before you break it off. Some couples can’t help themselves in these kinds of situations. Either you pity that person or you want to have one last good bout of no strings attached sex. Whatever the reason, avoid doing it because all that sex can mess up your rational thinking. [Read: Breakup sex and 10 circumstances where it works]
#2 Do it through text. But don’t do it using e-mail. That’s just tacky. Since being FWB is not a big deal, I doubt there would be any issues with breaking up through text. Or at least a phone call.
#3 If that doesn’t work, do it in a public setting. If your partner tries to avoid the subject, ask them out in a neutral, but public, setting. You can do it in a bar, perhaps, or a supermarket. Just not anywhere romantic. This way, you can do it without causing a scene or having sex… Again.
#4 Give an honest reason, if possible. If you want to end things in a civilized manner, be open and honest about your reasons. It’s better to give a sincere reason than a lie that can be called out in the future. It will also give them closure, so that they can move on to their next relationship, FWB or otherwise.
#5 If all else fails, tell them this reason: “My ex is back in the picture. We’re trying to make it work.” Seriously. This is the most effective excuse in the book!
How to do damage control
If the methods above don’t work, and you’re still left with a marginally clingy FWB, you can opt to take the high road and just leave things as is. No one can force you or guilt trip you into a relationship that you don’t want. The best thing you can do is to just be nice about it.
#1 Be magnanimous about it. Don’t be a bitch or a dickhead about it. Be as nice as possible. Use a soothing tone, and don’t make it seem like it’s your partner’s fault. This is where euphemisms and compliments can come in handy.
#2 Be self-deprecating. Even if it’s not your fault, it is still your decision. Take responsibility for this loss of a booty call, and make sure that you look like you feel bad about it.
#3 Offer your sincere friendship. If you can handle the pressure of being friends with a former FWB, then go for it. It’ll make the transition easier, because they won’t feel like they’re being left out to dry. If you don’t want to, I suggest ending it all immediately – Band-aid method! [Read: 16 scenarios where you can’t be friends with your ex]
#4 Never go out alone with them ever again. If they agree to the friendship thing, do everything in your power to keep it that way. Only invite them over when there are other people around. That way, you can be held accountable by your friends and their judgmental looks.
How not to relapse to your old FWB routine
Even when you successfully break up with your FWB, there is still a possibility that you and your partner will go back to your old ways. It might be due to nostalgia or an unbearable dry streak, but think about why you broke it off. Is it really worth starting again and going through the same awkward breakup?
#1 Just say no. There might be times when you feel guilty or horny, but try to control yourself. You ended things for a reason. Feeling bad about it is not a good excuse to start things up again. [Read: 12 reasons the no contact rule works like a charm]
#2 Call a friend. And listen to them. Make sure that they are the kind of friend who won’t let you do anything stupid. It’s also preferable if they have the guts to call you on your bullshit in a loud and obnoxious manner. Shame always works.
#3 Find someone else to focus on. If you feel like you can’t say no and find yourself in the arms of your ex-lover, find someone new to pull your attention away. Go on a friendly date with someone you like, or find someone to talk to online. Any type of distraction – aside from sex, that is – is an effective way to keep yourself in check. [Read: Why rebound relationships can be good for you]
Some of the longest and deepest relationships don’t last. What makes you think that being friends with benefits is any different? It’s physically fulfilling, but it’s shallow. It’s not something that you’re supposed to miss.
Being friends with benefits is a means to an end – that end being an orgasm. You can get that anytime, but there are more important things that you might want to focus on. With that said, keep the tips above in mind when you finally decide to call it off for good!
Getting attention of the guy you are interested in can be a bit tricky, especially if you don’t use your looks. Looks are not everything and personality is much more important than looks. Although guys are highly visual creatures, most of them understand that a woman has a personality attached to her face and her body. If you notice a nice guy, but you think you don’t look your best to get him to like you, try these seven ways to attract a guy without using your looks.
